Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Last night Jesus woke me up and we had a conversation that went like this:
He said "stop it - you can't do this anymore."
"what can't I do anymore? All this burden and hurt can't be me - I thought it was from YOU I thought you wanted me to carry this load for YOU."
"you are mistaken - didn't I tell you that my burden is light and my yoke is easy? you put your hand to the plow but turned around to look for me - when all along I was right in front of you. I already gave everything just to be with you and you did not have to continue to look - just be with me."
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
He's been pursuing me like crazy and I made it my goal to pursue these things (ideas) for Him. At the end of the day when my husband and family aren't here, when tukula is done, when my hopes for people and my future aren't there - He is. It's just me and Him - "Just to be with you, I've done everything. There's no price I did not pay. Just to be with you, I gave everything - Yes, I gave my life away. Just to be with you."
He wants us - ALL OF US - Not just what we do for him but He wants our every thought, our every relationship, our every deed, our families. He wants to meet us everywhere...even when we run hardcore against the wind - He IS the wind.
"but Lord, what about my happiness? You said Your burden is light but this is going to HURT."
"It IS light - even when you are carrying a heavy cross I am there to carry it with you. I told you that if you search for happiness in the world you are missing the point - you will never be able to be WITH Me if you are still looking behind."
And even when you do ask, you don't get it because your whole motive is wrong. you want only what will give you pleasure. You adulterers! Don't you realize that friendship with this world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again, that if your aim is to enjoy this world, you can't be a friend of God. What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the Holy Spirit, whom God has placed within us, jealously longs for us to be faithful?
All this is still sinking in and I have been crying out a lot and just praying and wondering and we're still leaving our apartment in 4 days and we're still leaving the country in 11 days. Somewhere during all this I think God called me to be a disciple and I said yes...and I wouldn't have it any other way.
on earth as it is in heaven...