Monday, January 3, 2011

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6-7)

There's a little boy I mention A LOT his name is Becaham. He was a part of serving his children's malnutrition rehab program back in the spring of 2010. That's how Joe and I got to know him and fell in love with him. Every time something was happening with his family/situation the director of SHC would call us and let us know. We prayed for him and loved on him and desired for him to grow in Jesus. We took him in for the month of June while the Director was in America and during that time a lot of people told us that we should "just adopt him" there was "no hope for his family" and so I became vulnerable and really wanted to adopt this little boy and make him a part of our family. I daydreamed about taking him to America and about meeting my family and how great it would be to have him in our lives forever. and then in July he went home - I was selfishly hurting and felt like I had lost a child and was unbelievably bitter towards all the things "standing in the way" between Becaham and I being together. I tried to distract myself so I dove head first into Tukula - designing, relationship building, sourcing materials, building a website/online store, getting promotional materials, etc etc and I loved it. I was so happy to be doing what we set out to do here and to be spending some time learning about three very incredible women. But this little boy captured a large part of my heart so I constantly thought about him - about what he was doing - if someone was loving him - if he was happy and healthy...

In early November we decided to visit him in his village called Mayuge. We took a translator and we learned that Becaham was "good but not so good" we started interceding on Becahams behalf and my heart ached - "WHY GOD can't he just be with us?" - We went back the very beginning of December to check up on him again - once again we took a translator and heard so many different things - women of the village kept saying "just take him there is no one here to care for that boy" - we heard stories of cowives coming and going of arguments about who would care for the boy. Once again my heart was aching - "WHY GOD can't he just be with us?". I pleaded with God and asked him to take the desire to have him away from me if it was not His will to have Becaham be a part of our family - I wanted so badly to guard my heart.

We asked the family if Becaham could spend Christmas with us - they were excited and happy that we wanted to take him. Two weeks passed and we went to pick up Becaham up and the father told us that all his wives had left and there was no one to care for Becaham (his 7- year old twin brothers were currently the ones to do so). He asked if we could take him for five years and then bring him back for school. Joe told him our situation - about how we didnt know if we would be in Uganda for five years and that if we took him we would want him forever. the dad immediately said "NO" - almost chuckling like Joe was crazy for even thinking that he would give his child up forever. We were shocked - all we have ever heard was "just take him" we never knew there was a time limit or that the dad actually cared (or at least what it seemed like). After the next three days he was with us we thought about everything - we thought about the possibility of fostering him and decided that if he was going to return to the village living with us, learning english, getting used to us being his "parents" was not a good idea so we decided to tell the father that we would be willing to help him with anything but we couldn't take him for only 5 years. my heart ached and again I pleaded with God - "WHY can't he just be with us?"

The day after Christmas we made the trek back to Mayuge to return Becaham and give the dad the dad our decision. When we arrived who was there to greet us but a NEW WIFE. I was SHOCKED - seriously THREE DAYS LATER. The father was in good spirits and looked relieved - he told us that his family now has hope for Becaham - that basically a new wife had solved all his "problems". As we drove away I just stared and stared at Becaham on the back of his brother. I cried - I cried for Becaham - for his little life and out of how unfair it is that his mom had to die of AIDS. I cried for his dad - that he is so unbelievably wrapped up in Satan's lies. I pray for them a couple times a day and constantly think of him and miss him and wish I could just be his mom. I still continue to ache not just for myself now or that he could just be with us but for Becaham that he will grow up knowing that there is God who LOVES him and DESIRES him and that no matter how many women go in and out of his life - they do not leave because of him.

To be honest I am about to break.
Dealing with this experience and also just seeing other friends who have been hurt because of there husband/father has had multiple wives is ripping my heart apart. I know that it's a different culture here and it's hard to understand without seeing but I ask you please to pray for the women and children around the world feeling unloved, unimportant, and neglected because of men in their lives who are having multiple wives or committing adultery.

I know that for now Becaham is happy - that he knows no different and that he loves the children in his village and they love him. Everyday it gets easier to "let go" and God is bringing me a peace that surpasses all understanding.


  1. i pray for strength for you. May God's promises during this difficult, difficult time be you comfort.

  2. JOE AND MELISSA... Oh my word. There are no. words. I can't even wrap my mind around this. Love you both... just plain SAD about this.
    Psalm 33:20-22
    Psalm 61:1-5
    Psalm 100
    Hugs, Katie

  3. Melissa! My heart is breaking with yours...ah. makes me sick. Praying for your heart..ah, may God comfort you and give you peace...would he protect sweet boy B!

  4. I don't know. I don't know what to say. But. The story isn't over. It can't be. Hang in there sweet friend.

  5. Oh Melissa, it hurts my heart to read this. Sister, I pray that God will continue to comfort you. Baby Becaham must be very special -- just think of all of the people around the world that are praying for him! God can truly protect him so that those terrible circumstances will only draw Him closer to the Father who loves him. You are so lovely. You are the best mom in Becaham's life -- though you may only care for him in your prayers right now. Your love for him is so special. Hugs, beautiful girl. I love you.